Waddup everyone. My name is Ryian Williams. On Feb 15th, 2022, I published a book titled “What in The Fatherhood”. People often ask me why I decided to write a book on fatherhood, and the answer is very simple. Fatherhood changed me for the best, and with friends also gearing up to embark on the same journey, I decided to write a book that gave them some heads up on what to expect and how they can be involved, and active fathers from day one.
I’m not going to go into all of the details of the book, but I thought it would be cool to condense the top tips from the book that every new father and father-to-be should consider when taking on the task of fatherhood.
New dads, Fathers-to-be, and men thinking about fatherhood. This post is for you!
Participate in skin-to-skin contact
A lot of us have seen movies, TV shows, and commercials where the doctor takes the baby as soon as it comes into the world and places the newborn baby directly on the mother’s chest. This is not just done for the sake of doing it.
It is scientifically proven that skin-to-skin contact between the mom and baby has many benefits for both baby and mom. Now while moms and women, in general, are special. The benefits babies get from skin to skin are not exclusive to moms only. Good news to all the DADS!
Those same benefits can be experienced by the baby and yourself by participating in skin-to-skin contact. Skin-to-skin can help regulate baby’s heart rate and breathing, regulate baby’s body temperature, calm and soothe the baby (and probably dad too), and a host of other benefits.
Apart from those benefits, I genuinely felt like this helped me bond with this new human being who barely knew me and who I barely knew. It helped stimulate that nurturing part of my brain. So go on and get that skin-to-skin contact in with your newborn.
Change pampers and assist where you can
I’ll state the obvious. A baby is A LOTTTTT of work. Now pair all that work with how dependent a baby is on their mother, then you could imagine how tired, stressed, emotionally, mentally, and physically drained a mother is during the newborn phase. Babies seem to be so naturally attached to their mothers that it can be challenging to see where you as the dad fit in, but I assure you there are pockets you can step in and help out. One thing you can take charge of that helps a lot is diaper-changing duties. This could be your way of taking something off of your spouse’s plate and also providing a vital need to your baby. Now you’re an active player in “the game” and being an involved dad from day 1. Diaper changing is just the start. There are many things you can do like feeding the baby and burping the baby etc. that will also help you feel like a contributing member to that baby’s life.
Be part of nighttime and early morning duties
Quick heads up. The life you once had that included blissful, uninterrupted sleep is no more! I say this respectfully. If you are well-rested with a newborn you doing fatherhood wrong. Again, you are probably saying that the baby is breastfeeding so there is not much I could do as a dad at 2 AM anyway, but I strongly believe as a man, as a father, you should be waking up when your baby gets up. Waking up and tending to a newborn is NOT a responsibility that solely falls on the mother. Even if you are taking turns, or have some kind of system in place, you should be waking up and changing diapers, making bottles, or simply enjoying the experience of having a newborn alongside your spouse. Don’t be that dad that never hears the baby crying at night and early morning. This phase would soon pass. Enjoy it while you can.
Secure some alone time with your newborn (Prove you can care for your newborn)
One of the most gratifying feelings you can ever have as a man and a father is for your spouse to be confident that they could leave and not have to worry about the welfare of the baby. It makes you feel so good when you’re alone with your baby and you know exactly what to do and how to care for them. It not only helps build that nurturing instinct but gives you a true morale boost that you are indeed a FATHER. It’s also never too early to spend quality time with your baby. You might observe different behaviors and indications that you may miss when it’s the whole family together. For me personally, alone time with my newborn helped stifle any insecurity I had about whether or not I was cut out to be a father and take care of another human being.
Start building a daily routine with your newborn.
The title sounds way more militant than it is. This is just to encourage a little carved-out time to do something with your baby every day. This was one of the best things I did when I became a dad. As soon as we got our son home we began wiping him down at night. After watching the nurse do it at the hospital and watching my wife do it. I felt comfortable enough to do it. Eventually, we started bathing him and I decided this would be “our thing”. The nighttime routine belonged to me! DAD! Now of course there were nights I missed because of travel or something else. I used that time at night to develop a nighttime routine for us. I chose to bathe him and read him a book every night. This helped create a bond and an expectation that still goes on to this day and my then newborn is currently 4 years old. Being an intentional, involved dad requires this type of commitment. It’s a win-win situation that I encourage all dads to take advantage of. So go ahead and find something specific you can do daily with your baby.
To conclude, What’s your HEART like king? Are you going to be an intentional, involved father from day one, or are you going to let this opportunity slip away? The ball is in your court to start bonding, molding, and influencing your child from day one. My suggestion is to go for it!
Why did I write on this topic?
Fatherhood could be a scary thing. I know a lot of men who had their fathers in their lives, myself included, I know some who did not and still had jitters when thinking about caring for another human. I just wanted to drop some of the tips I used personally that put myself, my spouse, and our baby in a much better situation and also helped me feel more confident and involved.
Do you have any suggestions to share with other men standing face-to-face with fatherhood? Share them below!
The little Engineer that could! Ryian Williams, wears multiple hats as a husband, father, author, speaker, and engineer. Driven by his enthusiasm for coaching and uplifting men, he has embraced the lifelong mission of guiding men toward becoming the most authentic versions of themselves
