Hellen Keller famously expressed that walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light. Brotherhood is so vital in the lives of men that I decided it would be only fitting to write on the topic in my blog.
For anyone who knows me knows that I am a social butterfly. It was never hard for me to make friends and I am starting to realize it’s not hard to keep friends either. I have friends I consider brothers because of how tight of a relationship we have. For someone who was born in a family with 3 sisters as siblings, my relationships outside my home have allowed me to experience what it’s like to have brothers. There are other men that I have been friends with from since I was 4 years old and friends that I only connected with a year ago. All of them playing very important and different roles in my life.
Let’s expose the generic form of brotherhood that was taught to us. The brotherhood is supposed to be between emotionless men where the friendship is limited to hustlin’ together, drinking, vybing, playing sports, or doing some other activity we deem manly. Your brodda is supposed to be some sort of “yes man” who doesn’t call you on your BS and is willing to see you on the verge of crashing out (going out bad) and support you and enable you every bit of the way. The bonding must consist of joking with one another and making fun of each other’s shortcomings and insecurities while also avoiding any conversation that may result in feelings being displayed.
This has worked for a whole heap of men for the past centuries and probably will continue to work because I have seen men’s friendships stand the test of time. I have seen and been part of friendships where communication is non-existent for months and pick right back up like only a day passed. I have been part of friendships where we never discuss personal issues or challenges we may be facing but bonded over other frivolous things and that has worked. Brotherhood all looks different but I want to highlight some things we need to do as men to start tightening our brotherhood.
First, we have to be willing to show emotion. With your true broddas, you have to be willing to allow some conversations to be a safe space where your brodda and yourself can be vulnerable and transparent with each other. This only helps in growth and keeps each other from going insane from the daily pressures of manhood.
Second, Give people their flowers while they are still here. Be sure to hug your broddas when you can and even tell them you love them. The words “Love you” sounds so mushy. I know, but if you can’t start there a simple “luh you bro” goes a long way.
Lastly, Reach out to your broddas. We all get busy and we all have lives but in your downtime like driving in the car, or doing some kind of yard work or something. Text, Call, or Facetime your broddas. Just check in! Especially if they came to mind. Check in and just let them know you thinking, praying, and there for them if they ever need anything. One good way to stay connected is group chats with your broddas from different social circles. That is one of the key ways I was able to stay close with a lot of my broddas even though I live miles away from them.
Proverbs 18:24 says A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. The kind of brotherhood I’m describing is the one that is established based on genuine love for one another and each other’s well-being. Not based on some type of obligation to the friendship. This type of brotherhood is to be honored and worth the time and effort. It is like any other relationship; it takes trust, and it takes effort from both parties to make it work. Malcolm X once said, I believe in the brotherhood of all men, but I don’t believe in wasting brotherhood on anyone who doesn’t want to practice it with me. Brotherhood is a two way street. Both parties should be contributing to the brotherhood in one way or another. The brotherhood is a mutual relationship where both men benefit from such friendship.
So, to all the men out there, be encouraged to hail (reach out to) your brodda and link with them. We all get busy, and we all have lives. But as we say in the Caribbean, “good friend better dan pocket money”. So, cherish those friendships, the bromances, the brotherhood. Keep it all in perspective!
The little Engineer that could! Ryian Williams, wears multiple hats as a husband, father, author, speaker, and engineer. Driven by his enthusiasm for coaching and uplifting men, he has embraced the lifelong mission of guiding men toward becoming the most authentic versions of themselves
Definitely agree. Reminds me of concepts discussed in a book called “The Way of Men” by Jack Donovan. The book puts forth psychological, biological and historical evidence and solutions.
Love it bro! Facts upon facts🙌🏽 Men, most times, find it hard to open up and talk about feelings. Hence, having strong relations as broddas is important.
Great read my brother!
I think society has constantly fed us the image that men shouldn’t be vulnerable and they shouldn’t share emotion, especially with other men.
Yet, ironically, other men may be able to relate to their perspective easier than a woman may be able to….
that’s something we as men should definitely consider so we can break the cycle of “toxic masculinity” and truly start dealing with some of our ‘demons’ that may be holding us back from our true potential…. or even expressing something(s) that may be bothering you about your bro and affecting your friendship.
100% agree with your points! Genuine brotherhood and bonds are definitely a major help in coping with the struggles of everyday life 🙏🏽
I have also been blessed to have a lot of broddas, you being one of them. The generic description of “brodda” was never what I was taught a brother to be.
There’s levels of friendships and from my perspective a “bro” is above a friend but a “brodda” is someone that you consider non-blood family.
I was that that you can roast your brother, but never about his real insecurities … especially in front of people that are not “family”.
A real brother will be there to boost you up when you’re down and then roast you about it when you’re over the situation.
Having one true brother is needed. And I have many.
Great read bro. What you said about friendships where you don’t have to speak for months is so true. Nevertheless, as men we need to try to break that barrier that prevents us from engaging in a deeper level and using our brothers as an avenue for mental support also.