One day cold day in DFW I was driving to work lost in thought about all the things I needed to do that day. I don’t usually drive in silence but this morning I wanted to be alone with my thoughts. Suddenly, made me feel the same way I did when it first happened. Past Trauma peeking its ugly head in my present life. It was something involving my father, and I thought to myself “Look at you, a grown man with daddy issues!”
Then I remembered a song by Kendrick Lamar titled “Father Time” that I had heard before. In this song, he details his interactions with his father and the profound impact it had on him. So that’s what I want to talk about in this blog! GROWN MEN WITH DADDY ISSUES!
When we hear “daddy issues” we usually think about the absence of a father or father figure in a child’s life. However what about the daddy issues that come from fathers who are present but evoke feelings in their children’s lives that stay with them until they are adults? These issues can cause grown men to walk around with daddy issues.
How does a Grown Man with Daddy issues present himself? This may manifest in various ways:
- Difficulty establishing a meaningful relationship with his father.
- Tendency to become short-tempered, particularly in specific triggering situations.
- Distorted perception of the traditional role of a man.
- He struggles with being open and showing emotions.
- Lack of trust in other men, resulting in challenges in forming strong bonds.
- Engaging in actions aimed at gaining his father’s approval, even if they contradict his true character.
How do we address daddy issues?
Men play an important role in addressing their issues because if they don’t, they risk becoming the very thing they once resented – their own fathers. We now pass those same daddy issues on to our kids. A man who can identify his childhood traumas and do the work to address those childhood traumas is a man who is ready to lead, inspire, and mentor the future generation.
Who is affected?
Daddy issues aren’t limited to the person experiencing them. It can affect the people around him, such as his spouse, his friends, his coworkers, and most importantly his kids. Children are impressionable and look to their parents for cues on how to behave and act in certain scenarios and situations. Our actions and words can have a long-lasting impact on their social, emotional, and spiritual development. Therefore, it is crucial to address daddy issues for the betterment of everyone’s well-being.
Proverbs 22:6 instructs us to train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it. This means in order to raise young men in the right way, we need to first work on ourselves and ensure that we are adequately trained. Neglecting this responsibility can lead to young boys turning into grown men with daddy issues.
Ultimately, addressing these “daddy issues” is not only about personal growth but also about creating a healthier and more positive environment for the next generation, including one’s own children.
The last few lines of the Kendrick Lamar song “Father Time”.
And to my partners that figured it out without a father
Kendrick Lamar
I salute you, may your blessings be neutral to your toddlers
It’s crucial, they can’t stop us if we see the mistakes
‘Til then, let’s give the women a break, grown men with daddy issues
There is no way we should expect perfection from our fathers, nor should we expect to be perfect parents ourselves. Even if our earthly father fell short, we can overcome these challenges because our Heavenly Father is a perfect example of love and care. I hope we all identify and address any daddy issues we may have so that we don’t end up raising our kids to be grown men with daddy issues.
The little Engineer that could! Ryian Williams, wears multiple hats as a husband, father, author, speaker, and engineer. Driven by his enthusiasm for coaching and uplifting men, he has embraced the lifelong mission of guiding men toward becoming the most authentic versions of themselves
Insightful
Great read. Interesting that you pointed out that daddy issues are not synonymous to absent fathers.